FW: Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #10

-----Original Message-----
From: Will and Guy Humour [mailto:guyn@computerperformance.co.uk]
Sent: Wednesday, 28 April 2010 6:51 PM
To: Lorna Watkins
Subject: Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #10
Dear Lorna Watkins
Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #10
* Ten common fishing expressions explained
1) Catch and Release: This is a conservation term that happens right before
the local Fish and Game Protection Officer stops your boat when you have
caught over the limit.
2) Hook: (i) A small curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (ii) A clever
advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod
and reel. (iii) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he
spends their life savings [see also, right hook, left hook].
3) Line: Something you give your colleagues when they ask on Monday how your
fishing went over the weekend.
4) Lure: An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler
into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before
exiting the tackle shop.
5) Reel: A weighty object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped
overboard.
6) Rod: An attractively painted length of fibreglass that keeps an angler
from ever getting too close to a fish.
7) School: A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your £15.99 [$USD30]
lures and hold out for bread instead.
8) Tackle: What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just
before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
9) Tackle Box: A box shaped amazingly like your comprehensive first aid kit.
Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the
wrong box blindly to get an elastoplasts [band aid], you soon find that you
need more than one.
10) Test: (i) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when
fighting fish in a specific weight range. (ii) A measure of your creativity
in blaming 'that flippin' line' for once again losing the fish.
=================================================================
* Moose Hunters
Two moose hunters, Wally and Jeff, from New Mexico, fly to a remote area in
Alberta, Canada. They have a fabulous hunting expedition and both manage to
shoot a large moose.
When the plane returns to pick them up, Ronnie, the pilot looks at the
animals and says, 'This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment,
and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over
the trees on the take off.'
'That's gobbled-gook and nonsense!' explodes an angry Wally.
Yep,' agrees Jeff, 'you're just a cowardly custard. We came out here last
year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts. He wasn't afraid to
take off!'
'Mmmm,' adds Wally, 'and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours, Ronnie.'
Ronnie becomes cross, as well, and snaps, 'Dang me, if he did it, then I can
do it! I can fly as well as anybody'
Wally and Jeff load up the plane; they taxi at full throttle and the plane
almost makes it, but doesn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of
the lake. It touches the tree tops, flips, and breaks up. Everything
scatters; the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers.
Still alive, but dazed, Ronnie pilot sits up, shakes his head to clear it,
and mumbles, 'Where are we?'
Wally appears dishevelled from behind a shrub, looks around and replies,
'Oh.....I'd say ... about a hundred metres further than last year.'
===============================================================
* Hunters Take Instructions *
Josh and Olly are hunters and they are dragging their dead deer back to
their truck after a successful expedition. As they go they meet another
hunter, who is pulling his deer along too, who shouts to them both, 'Oiga! I
don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's
much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers
won't dig into the ground.'
The third hunter leaves and Josh and Olly decide to try to do exactly what
he has suggested.
Some considerable time later Josh says, 'You know, Olly, that man was right.
This is an awful lot easier!'
'Yep, Josh, but we're getting farther from the truck,' moans Olly.
================================================================
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Happy times, Will and Guy
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